Q: Hey, Hugh... Because of my corporate job, I'm in meetings throughout most of the day and can only eat a couple times a day. What can I do to continue to make reasonable bodybuilding gains? - S.B., Scottsdale, AZ
A: “What a crappy life you have! Meetings all day. Man, I'd slit my wrists if I had to sit in a room with a bunch of ass-kissing ‘YES MEN’ all day. What made you choose this horrendous life for yourself? The good news is, it's not too late to turn it around. Starting tomorrow, start wearing your gym clothes to work and bring along a blender, too. When the boss breaks into one of his ‘WE GOTTA WORK HARDER’ speeches, turn the blender on high. Drown that F**CKER right out! If you get fired, well, at least you won't be a ‘YES MAN’ any more. And, the best news is, you'll finally be able to eat like a REAL bodybuilder. You’re WELCOME.”
Q: I'm 14 years old and just getting into bodybuilding. Next to [name withheld] and [name withheld], you're my favorite bodybuilder. What's a good program to get me started? - A.W., Albuquerque, NM
A: How nice - I'm your third favorite bodybuilder. Wow - do I ever feel special. So, what happened? Did you write to the other two guys and they didn't respond, so you're writing to me with the hopes that I'll help you out cuz you gave me some lame compliment?
Okay - I'll help you. Next time you write to someone begging for help, make sure you tell that person that they're NUMERO UNO. There - I just gave you the best advice you could ever get. Now, beat it, kid.
Q: Hugh - what's the best way to eat before and after a workout to maximize gains? - J.D., Detroit, MI
A: With your mouth, dumbass.
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